Respect, Part 2

I met with Haya again last Tuesday. Our meetings were becoming somewhat routine, we usually spend the first five or so minutes making small talk before finally settling into a conversation. On this occasion we went back to the subject of our last conversation--respect.

During our previous meeting, we talked about how different people should respect each other and refrain from trying to prove the fallacies of their beliefs. Haya had related a story about how two individuals questioned her religious conviction based on a superficial (by its very nature) aspect. She wears a hijab, or a cloth covering her hair, but not all muslim women do and these individuals were questioning why she wears one when others obviously do not take it to be a requirement of Islam.

This past week we talked about a sign of (dis)respect that was much more mundane. About five minutes into our meeting, I crossed my legs so that my ankle was resting on my knee. A seemingly innocuous motion to me launched a thirty minute dialogue concerning the proper etiquette for foot position. She explained to me that in Saudi Arabia, her mother taught her to take care not to ever direct the sole of her shoe toward a stranger or somebody that was not a close friend. The bottom of the shoe becomes quite dirty over the course of even a single day and thus it can be taken as a sign of disrespect if you have the bottom of your shoe directed towards someone you do not know well. I hadn't ever thought about the small details of body posture being a sign of disrespect. I guess the idiom about 90% of communication being unspoken might have some truth behind it.

Now, after she explained this custom, the idea made perfect sense to me. For example, I would not consider it to be respectful (and certainly not professional) if I walked into the an office and propped my feet up on the desk before beginning a conversation. While that example is somewhat extreme, I believe that describes how Haya would feel if even one foot was resting on a table pointed in her direction.

Not everyone in Saudi Arabia follows this behavior though. According to Haya, some take no umbrage when soles are directed their way--although I'm sure tempers would flare if taken to the limit. She assured me that many would take offense to a sole directed at them. Regardless, I think that this small aspect of life in Saudi Arabia shows that their culture is much more detail-oriented than our own. From the three conversations I have had with Haya so far, it seems as if she was raised in a much more structured environment than me and my peers--to no detriment to either side.

Although I understand the concept now, I doubt I would have developed the same sensibilities myself. Maybe I'm not thoughtful when it comes to others, or maybe Haya's upbringing leaves a tendency to think about every aspect of appearance to minimize any possible faux pas. Don't think that I have anything against her way of things, but instead realize that we all place different importance on different actions or objects. The sooner we understand this concept as a society, smaller the world will be and the fewer problems we will have. With that being said, becoming homogenous as a society should not be a goal. The goal should be comprehending that in our differences, we are all the same, no matter our upbringing or nationality.